Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
