I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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