i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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