What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
