mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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