She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
