you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
