I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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