Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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