if i can run in heels then i can drive
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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