brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
