pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
