Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
