i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
