remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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