How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
