I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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