I think my vagina is haunted
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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