isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
