She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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