Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
