She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Still dying that you shit outside
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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