sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
People in love make me want to vomit
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
