he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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