My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
