Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
