Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
