so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
