Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
