I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
