Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
