Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
