A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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