the condom got lost in my hair
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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