So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
