can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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