Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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