the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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