I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My friends, they love my intelligence
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
