I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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