even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
