I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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