gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
handjob tips. give me some.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
