Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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