you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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