lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
