Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
