the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
