An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
