So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
