She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
