nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
