Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
