i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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