I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
soo... how was my night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
