I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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