You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize