I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My vagina just recognized that song.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
