OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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