is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
