Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
