Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
