i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
