there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
